Friday, March 20, 2009

Not Walking in Style

Yesterday Luna (Doggie of Destruction) jumped and ripped a hole in my favorite dog-walking pants. I went to the nearest clothing store to try to replace them.

I don’t know how many pairs I tried on, but none of them fit. They were too long, too short, too saddle-baggy, too muffin-toppy. Too wandering-up-the-whosits, too sliding-down-the-whatsits. A bit tent-flappish here, a bit vacuum-packish there. I’m a little too old to be wearing a belt down around my thighs, a little too young to wear one just under the armpits.


Finally, I found one pair that fit perfectly. They fit and they looked awesome. They fit, looked awesome, and were ridiculously cheap. They fit, looked awesome, were dirt cheap, and were THE most UNbelievably itchy things ever. They itched like a burlap sack drenched in Mountain Dew, rolled in the sand and worn on a hot day at a country church. I gave up.


I strolled over to the shoe rack. Soon enough the temperature will be in triple digits, and I need a pair of sandals. The kind you can actually walk in, not the kind that looks cute when you kick them off by the pool. Last year I made the mistake of buying a pair without a strap in the back, because that’s all they make anymore. Am I the only one sick of mules? You have to grip those things with your toes. There’s nothing else keeping them on your feet. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but when you continuously clench your toes, you tend to clench other parts of your body, too. Besides, every time I want to relax my toes for half a second, I end up flinging a shoe across the room.

I finally found sandals that were pretty comfy, but the color was ugly. I searched around and found the very same pair in a nicer color, only they cost two dollars more. I thought it was funny that you could save a couple bucks if you were willing to settle for the ones that were the color of puke. I decided they weren’t really that comfy, anyway.

And I decided I hate clothes shopping.

17 comments:

ICQB said...

I wouldn't mind clothes shopping so much if my body were more cooperative : )

Suzie said...

I need a srap in the back too. Mules make me nuts

Kelly said...

I have to be in a certain mood to clothes shop. It seems when I have a gift certificate or spending money to buy clothes, I can't find anything. When I shouldn't be buying any, I find tons I like! Ugh!
Ripped jeans are in, maybe you can wear the torn pants after all...

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

It's times like these when I sort of get the whole nudist idea. Getting dressed can be so difficult.

Anne Spollen said...

It's because you HAD to buy them. My one rule of clothes shopping: you find the best stuff when you're broke and bloated. Wait till then.

Mary Witzl said...

I am with you all the way here. There are few things I hate more than shopping for clothes. I hate struggling into pair after pair of unsuitable trousers, the constant reminders that bits of me sag -- all of it. Great descriptions, though -- and I felt like I was right there with you. (Shudder)

Bish Denham said...

Oh I am SO with you on the clothes and shoe shopping Adrienne! I have a terrible time finding shoes that fit, my feet are so oddly shaped. Size D across my toes, AA at the heal...Shoes that fit in the toe fall of my heal. So for me I do like mules or flip-flops. Mostly though I go barefoot as much as possible.

One time hubby and I went to a big mall in the city. I was desperate to find some comfortable shoes. We went to EVERY shoe store...didn't find one single pair. GAK!

Suzanne Casamento said...

Your blog post is fabulously written and very funny. I'm passing it on to my friends.

Anonymous said...

I need straps everywhere for very different reasons, boobs, feet,waist, boobs, purse, boobs need I say more?
:)

adrienne said...

ICQB - It doesn't help that they add a three way mirror, and lighting that makes your skin look like old baloney.

Suzie - I'm glad it's not just me :)

Kelly - I have that same problem. In fact I was going to post about those gift cards I haven't gotten around to using...

Green Girl - I keep hoping I'll find the perfect uniform, and get it in several colors...

Anne - I've noticed that, too. If only I could figure out a way to fool the shopping gremlins...

Mary - My daughter just reminded me she likes shopping...I did too, before gravity started taking over (and someone else was paying)

Bish - I'm happy in flip flops, but they are not great for a long walk. And malls make me crazy!

Suzanne - Thank you!

Anonymous - LOL...why do I suddenly feel a bit constricted :)

Nora MacFarlane said...

I hate shopping for clothes and shoes. I'd rather do laundry and clean toilets than navigate the mall!

Rena said...

LMAO! You crack me up.

Debbie said...

I feel your pain. First, I am too cheap to pay for anything that isn't on sale. Then, I hate the way everything looks!

Kim Kasch said...

My daughter and I went shopping for an outfit for a family event - she got one - I gave up, I know how you feel.

:(

Angela said...

Muffin-toppy...we can blame that on the pants? Awesome!

adrienne said...

Nora - Me, too...and no special attire needed!

Hi, Rena! :)

Debbie - What? People buy things that aren't on sale?

Kim - It's even harder when you go with daughters - everything looks cute on them...

Angela - Sure! I never had a muffin top when "mom pants" were in fashion. :D

Brenda said...

First...LOL at your descriptions of trying on pants...those were a hoot...

and I hate clothes shopping also...

You could do what my MIL does and just throw a patch over the torn area of the favorite pants and pretend that is the rave...grin...