


From the looks of things around the neighborhood and the blogosphere, I’m way behind in holiday preparations. In an effort to muster up some extra spirit, I spent my last class period doodling snowflakes and reindeer.
Are the decorations up? Nope. Cookies made? No, and most of the chocolate chips are already gone. Maybe we can eat the ingredients separately this year. Have I gotten my holiday shopping done? Bahahaha…
What I do have is a drawing of three birdies riding on a reindeer. Yessiree, I could cross that off my holiday to-do list, if: a) I had prepared a holiday to-do list; and b) that list included a drawing of three birdies riding a reindeer.
I think I earned the right to spend my last design class doodling. Yesterday my teacher informed me that in twenty years of teaching, I’m his first student to earn a perfect score on every assignment. Aha! It turns out I do pay attention to details.
On another note, it has occurred to me that Santa pulls one all-nighter a year, and he gets all the glory. I really don’t think the elves get the credit they deserve.
What I like about homework files is you can steal from your own stuff. This summer I thought I’d be doing just that: picking favorite parts of old projects and turning them into portfolio pieces. I meant to sneak in beach trips and poolside reads, too. Let’s just say the summer didn’t turn out as I expected.
In last semester’s design class, our final assignment was to redesign a storefront using a fifties theme. Admittedly, my choice wouldn’t be hard to improve upon. Every time I realize someone gets paid to create a sign like this one, I whimper to myself a little:
The assignment didn’t go as expected. Before I began my digital renovations, my father passed away. The teacher gave me the option to skip the project, but somehow within the gust of funeral details and travel pains, homework seemed comforting.
From the first hum of air conditioning units being fired up to the drying of grasses by the riverbed, it was a weary summer. There were heartaches and legal hassles, along with family issues and life-sucking paperwork. Terms like ‘fiduciary’ and ‘codicils’ stabbed my brain behind the eyeballs. I tried to fend them off by remembering childhood friends and rummaging through old photos.
I discovered that no matter how old you are, when you’ve lost both parents you can feel like an orphan. In my dreams, everything is harder than it should be: I go to the store to buy dish soap and realize when my feet hit the cold floor that I’ve forgotten my shoes; I try to find my way home but I travel the wrong way down a one-way street, and all the exits on the monstrous freeways are out of reach.
Last week I stole a few moments to work on that illustration. Grief and paperwork can step outside for a smoke once in a while - the bastards don’t have to breathe down my neck every second, do they?
A project can be a breath of fresh air, a leisurely stroll. Say, for instance, in a newly renovated, retro style neighborhood. It’s even better if you have no expectations.
My dad had just returned from the grocery store. If my mom had done the shopping, the bags would’ve cradled items like gourmet dried salami and Kalamata olives. My Dad usually came bearing things like a drum of mayonnaise and multiple packs of Oscar Meyer bologna. But one thing my parents shared was a craving for Entenmann’s baked goods.
This time, my Dad reported, he approached the bakery aisle to hear two women arguing over the dessert items. Finally the older woman declared, in her thick Long Island-y accent,
“We’d beddah get a crumb cake for a BACK-up!”
I don’t know why, but we found the idea of a backup crumb cake absolutely brilliant.
There’s dessert, and then there’s backup dessert.
Oh yeah.
Now that I think of it, that might have been the summer I coined the term “breakfast dessert.” As in: “That was a delicious cheese omelet. What’s for breakfast dessert?”
And while I’m on the subject of desserts, here’s an Illustrator drawing I finished recently:
It was one of four pieces of mine that my teacher chose to include in the student art show. One of my other illustrations won an award (and fifty bucks). Yay for me! I think I deserve a piece of pie.
Our first assignment was to make an illustrated graph. It could be on any subject, as long as it showed a comparison of data using illustration. As the student next to me started drawing up some lovely French fries, I struggled to make this:
Unless I could come up with statistics on paper clip catastrophes, I was in the wrong place.
The teacher worked his way around the classroom. One student had already formed a slice of pizza complete with toppings, another had a perfectly proportioned hamburger on a sesame seed bun, and the guy next to me was now coloring a box for his French fries (can you tell this class is just before lunch?). By the time the teacher came up behind me, I had managed to create this masterpiece:
Oh yeah I might be in the wrong place.
The teacher frowned. “Is that supposed to by candy?” The only lame response I could come up with was to state the obvious.
“I’m new at this.”
The teacher didn’t look surprised. What I meant was I’m really sorry for taking up space in your classroom. I wanted to redeem myself, but by the end of the class period, the best I could come up with was this sucky rose:
I’m in the wrong place, and that rose looks like it could hurt someone.
Fortunately I had time to work on this at home. It turns out when I’m not hungry or surrounded by people who’ve been using computers since they were in diapers, things start making sense to me. I might not be in the wrong place after all. Even my bees don’t look like they’d hurt anyone!
Just pay no attention to those numbers. They’re totally made up.