Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I Hope the Zombies Don't Have Gold Star Memberships

There are online forums for everyone. I stumbled on one for zombie fans when they linked to an old post of mine, about a short zombie movie that was filmed in my neighborhood. Somehow my blog post got confused with the official site for the short backyard production.

Anyway, the zombie mix-up reminded me of a fun topic my kids bring up occasionally that goes something like, “Where would you go in the event of a zombie apocalypse?”

After some discussion, we always conclude we’d head straight for Costco. We can’t think of a better hideout. You could survive in that place for YEARS.

"They’ve got everything!” we declare. Food! Furniture! Beds even! To hear us, you’d think we were ready to lock down those industrial doors and set up camp right by the tube socks.

“They’ve even got make-up,” my daughter says. “Who cares if we can’t go outside, we can still look good.”

“And they have books,” I add. “And music and movies. We’d never get bored.”

We bring up the massage chairs, the exercise equipment, barbeques and umbrella tables. We list the soaps and sundries. We imagine setting up storage sheds (everyone gets their own room!) and rolling out the toaster ovens (unlimited samples!).

We go as far as to ponder what we’d do with perishable items. We’d start in on the fruits and salads, but luckily all that meat and seafood can go right into the walk-in freezers.

“Too bad cheese doesn’t freeze well,” I say with a sigh.

“Uh, Mom, it’s okay. You know there’s not really a zombie apocalypse going on, right?”

Right. Back to reality. I could really go for a hunk of brie though.

16 comments:

Rebecca Ramsey said...

That's hilarious.
You gotta love those samples!

Ara Burklund said...

Too funny! I love your answer, Adrienne. : )

msprimadonna67 said...

If ever there was a zombie attack, I'd be toast. My husband always says, "I wouldn't have to be the fastest guy around if the zombies were after us; I'd just have to be faster than YOU!"

Bish Denham said...

LOL! You could probably skateboard or roller blade from place to place within the building too.

adrienne said...

Becky - Shh...don't tell anyone, but sometimes we go there for snack time.

Ara - Should I be worried that massive amounts of cheese and chocolate are part of my survival plan?

msprimadonna - Good thing zombies are dumb as nails! You don't have to outrun what you can outsmart.;)

Bish - And no one to keep you from playing on the big orange rolling pallets. :D

ICQB said...

Oh, that's so funny. About a month ago my daughter's boyfriend came with us when we went to a local BJ's club (like Costco). He'd never been to one before, and practically the first words out of his mouth were, "I know where I'm coming when the zombie apocolypse happens."

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Have you seen Zombieland? That's how one character gets around during the zombie apocalypse--he disguises himself as one!
Your family sounds like a HOOT!

p.s. I get so many complements on your picture.

Kelly said...

HA! Funny that you all pondered this...
I love cheese!!

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

LOL...That reminds me tomorrow's Friday. And Friday is free sample day at the grocery store. :)

Fun post. It sounds like you have a fun family.

Have a safe weekend!

Rena said...

Love this! You COULD live in Costco for years!

Suzanne Casamento said...

Good plan! If anything goes awry, I'm heading to Costco. ;)

adrienne said...

ICQB - I forgot about BJs! That is funny...I'm finding out the topic is not that uncommon. :)

Green Girl - Glad people like the picture! I haven't seen Zombieland, but it sounds like it'd make for a fun movie night.

Kelly - I should not be left alone in Costco with all that cheese...

Sharon - Hope they were yummy!

Rena - I'm starting to wonder why no one's tried it (but I think some people have tried living on the samples).

Suzanne - Better to be prepared... :)

Anne Spollen said...

Great answer to the age old zombie apocolypse scenario!

I'll have to ask my kids where they would go. It never hurts to have a plan...

adrienne said...

Anne - If they come up with a better plan, tell me!
On second thought, maybe you should keep it a secret...

Kim Kasch said...

:) And I can't wait for Friday - Resident Evil comes out. I'm a true zombie fan

And I would run straight to the cemetery - seems like the zombies would all be out of there by the time I got there. They'd be looking for live people - not so many in the cemetery

Mary Witzl said...

Oh thank you very much for reminding me of the extra sharp farmhouse cheddar and blue cheese in our fridge that I've been working so hard to resist!

In a zombie apocalypse I'd go straight for the nearest Mensa convention and hide under a table. With all those tasty brains around, I'm sure my own modest specimen would go for ages without being noticed.